I think I just saw someone hide a body.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
