did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
