I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
