oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
