I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
