i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
