batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i drank out of a bidet.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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