just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize