Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
