You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
