Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
