thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
