Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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