My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
