Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
