yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
