his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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