why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
