im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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