i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize