The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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