Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Shame is for Republicans.
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