Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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