Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
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She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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