Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
two words: eviction party
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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