I could make wine with my vomit
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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