It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
