i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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