sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
