Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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