see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
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I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize