lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
