Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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