these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
