remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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