I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
