actually, I'm a sock model
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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