Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
