We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
