I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
