And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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