Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
