i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
