He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i think i just lost a toe
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
