You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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