I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
