you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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