i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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