Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
