I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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