so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
