I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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