Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
