we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
