Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
