They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
