Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
