i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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