i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.