weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This is the high leading the old right now
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need to align my fucking chakras
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
