its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
