i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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