these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
