He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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