Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
