Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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