addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
