Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
