under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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