When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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