cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize